All posts in category: Travel/Nature

Just pack it in...

Why...

Do I take clothes on holiday I never wear? When my wife proof reads this article there is a high chance I shall be sleeping in the bath tonight at our next hotel destination... except of course I couldn't fit in as it will be full of cosmetics, dirty clothes, new shoes, etc, etc. My gorgeous wife would look wonderful in a sack (assuming it had a Prada logo on it) but to please me she likes to pack a different outfit for each evening. She argues logically that I too need to take a suitable variety of clothes. So I end up with enough costume changes to keep Madonna happy on a World Tour. I should be grateful my wife makes such an effort instead of complaining about suitcases the size of the Hindenberg. What I am really grateful for is neither of us like winter sports as at least flimsy summer stuff takes up less room than the Mr. Bibendum (Michelin tyre man) outfits needed for apres-ski.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

The problem with a plane...

Why...

Are smells allowed free access to an aircraft cabin? There is a type of traveler that needs to be severely dealt with. Sorry, but if you have Body Odour that whips me, I ain't sitting next to you on a ten hour flight. In the same way they run those portable metal detectors round your body, they should have one of those electronic smell detectors they have on CSI. If you rate 4 noses or above on the sniffometer...unless you have a shower, you can't get on board. Then there is the 'What did you have to eat' interrogation. If you had a curry, baked beans or Brussels sprouts (with resultant imminent ass-coughs) you should also be forced to wait until you have fully digested the meal.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Welcome aboard...

Why...

Do I increasingly feel like freight when I travel? A year ago I wrote a blog about my experiences on a car ferry from Spain to Italy ruminating that I was stuck on a floating 1973 disco. That was luxury. Not that I was expecting the Love Boat but I write to you now from the SS Slavetrader ploughing the waves from Palermo Sicily to Cittavechia/Rome Italy. If I listen carefully I can hear the beat of the drum as the galley slaves pull on their oars. My wife and I are in a cabin so small a mouse could not get a hard on. "Why are you not outside breathing lungfulls of Mediterranean Sea air or enjoying the amenities, you spoilt Limey," I hear you cry? Well despite being marked on the ships plan... The pool "I'm sorry senior, there is not one on this ship." The gym "I'm sorry senior, not on this ship." The Sky bar "I am sorry it is not in service this voyage." Admirals club, Imperial lounge, Gelataria, shopping arcade, cafeteria, shut shut shut! The sun deck "I'm sorry senior, there are no chairs on this ship.You are free to walk about though." However, oh joy of joys, all the slot machines are working!

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

I'm an individual... so let's paint it black

February 12, 2017
Fasion Health & Beauty Life Travel/Nature
View all 0 Comments

Why...

Is the color black thought of as chic when it is the default choice for people with no imagination? You can stand out as much as you like you like when you travel. The diva in a silk shirt, sunglasses and scarves, a wannabe rap star with Gucci and Dolce & Gabbana labels or simply Mr.& Mrs. Retired from Boston, she in a fetching twin set and pearls and he in a tweed suit. But nearly everyone has a black suitcase. Why? The one time you do want something to stick out, is on the conveyor belt of endless luggage spat out at baggage claim. Maybe airlines could change the colors of the check-in baggage labels to match blocks of seat rows? I know some people put a ribbon on the handle or a big sticky Smiley Face on the side, but a guy parading through customs with that is screaming to the officials: "I am a drug dealer. Stop me and feel free to search every bodily cavity..." Jet lagged and grabbing a black bag I am amazed I have never returned to my hotel to open a suitcase full of lingerie or kids school clothing (OK once but that was my suitcase....weird girlfriend) or much worse a nun returned to her convent with my suitcase. Try and explain that content to Mother Superior! However the fault really is with the suitcase manufacturers. It's either boring black, ‘bloodshot-eye’ red, ‘arrest-me’ fuchsia, ‘suffocate’ blue or a yellow so loud you can hear it scream as it's unloaded from the plane. Samsonite designers must think subtle is what you become with yoga. Checks might be nice or patterns, even different colored top and bottom. Instead they offer a color palette from a child's paint by numbers book. And while I am talking suitcases, consistency on zip start and finish as well as direction would be nice. Have you ever been able to open every layer or pocket on a suitcase with one fluid movement per zip? Never. How about different colored zips for different pockets on the case.....and all either zip clockwise or counterclockwise?

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Step right this way for your daily insult...

October 13, 2016
Entertainment/Media/Arts Fasion Health & Beauty Food & Drink Travel/Nature
View all 0 Comments

Why...

Do I allow myself to fall repeatedly into life's traps and snares in the modern day insult pit? First public smack in the face started in record shops. Nowadays people just nick music off the Internet so a whole generation has missed out on the condescension and scorn that was directed at customers at local music stores. Whatever record I asked for was met with a "tsk-tsk" and a look of abject pity at my choice of music. So withering were the looks that I can honestly admit more than once saying with a shrug: "Yeah, I know. Crap, but what can you do? It's a birthday present for my little sister!" as I slide a Billy Joel LP into the plastic bag like it was porn that I wanted no one to know I was carrying. It only occurred to me years later that if these guys were such discerning musical genii, how come they were working at the local Kidderminster Virgin record store at minimum wage rather than rubbing shoulders with Prince or Springsteen in the recording studio? The record store guilt trip has now morphed into the facial tick I get visiting a phone store to buy a new mobile or tablet. Please tell me there are people who actually understand what the salesman is saying.... however I assume it's no one over the age of 15! Invariably I say something dumb that shows I have completely misunderstood what has been painstakingly explained to me and then bang.....that look of sympathy, like an adult indulging a child asking why the sky is blue or grass is green, flashes across the salesman's face. "I think perhaps the basic version is all you require....." Ouch.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Say Cheese...

August 25, 2016
Food & Drink Travel/Nature Uncategorised
View all 1 Comment

Why...

Is no meal complete for a European without cheese at the end of it? In America, they nibble on cheese before a meal, though I use a very wide definition of the word. In the US there are of course some delicious local cheeses but they also provide Cheez Whiz which is 'cheese' in a spray can. (Allegedly... it actually isn't cheese in the real sense of the word though the can does contain the ingredients to make cheese). You don't even need a cracker, you just stick out your tongue and give the can a squirt. America also seems to provide hard cheeses the colour of condemned veal and others that look like they have been rolled in crushed M&Ms. Although this kind of mass produced wax is perfectly legal to sell and eat you are breaking FDA rules if you import real Brie or other foreign cheeses that exceed a bacteria limit. What is sold in the USA has been irradiated to kill off that Froggy, Italian or English natural bacteria!

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Ryan Air, Easy Jet and Sky Blue are deep in the luxury section of travel...

Why...

Do we accept outdated travel standards? I am writing today's blog with the door handle to the bathroom in my cabin on an overnight ferry in one hand and the recently dropped out spindle lying on the orange nylon carpet on the other side of the locked door. The 'boom-boom-boom' of the nightclub nearby is partly blocked out by the insistent knocking on the cabin door by my wife. She is banging on it asking me to let her in. Her problem is that instead of plastic keys to insert into the electronic reader in the lock, to save money this shipping line uses cardboard ones. It's creased so the door won't open...... A children's nursery rhyme pops into my head. "Oh dear what can the matter be, Mark Grenside is stuck in the lavatory, He was alone from Monday to Saturday, Nobody knew he was there....." Welcome to the European ferry service that is taking my wife and our car from Spain to Malta via Italy. It's a 70's time warp where everything including the make-up and uniforms of the crew and even the carpets are super tacky....with most things on board simply not working (just like some of the crew). The TV (personally signed by John Logie Baird it's so old) is frozen on an Italian shiny floor game show. The concept of service in the restaurant is even funnier than Chris Rock on an impromptu stand-up comedy schtick and the wifi service is as intermittent as my windshield wipers in a drizzle. In fact the code to log on to the wifi is FIFTEEN digits long yet it's feeble capacity means I can only download written content, (so no Skype or image downloads)......and I can only buy for one hour at a time. No more. "You want more than an hour? Why?" asked the reception desk. "For work, " I tried to explain. But that was perhaps an alien concept. "After an hour on the Internet you have to come back for another code. Or call me." She smiles showing me the numbers written longhand on a piece of paper torn from an exercise book and hands it to me like a laundry ticket. One hour one minute later I discover I cannot call the Reception desk from the phone in the bedroom to ask for the new codes, as the phone spits out numbers completely unrelated to the digits I type in....very much like an Enigma machine from World War II. Reception is 72000 but so far the phone twice dialled 63799 and once the engine room! In a way I'm happy to be locked in the bathroom, away from vomiting Russians out on a stag week-end and young kids who are allowed to scream and run riot in the playroom at 1.30 AM....which is conveniently situated next to the dining room whose doors cannot close to block out the din. Other quaint customs include pre-paying for anything you want from the cafe at the till situated at the opposite end of the room. It therefore kills impulse purchases. After paying for my coffee and walking to the bar I discover they have some fancy cakes I'd like to buy. But that would mean returning to the queue at the payment desk so I don't bother. The crew all shake their heads when you suggest that possibly things might be better and point to the complaint box. It's stuffed with more letters than Santa's in tray on Christmas Eve...... Perhaps Brexit was not such a calamity! The exception to the C.E.F rule (Crappy European Ferry), is the Ferry from Sicily to Malta. It's so sleek it makes the Queen Mary look like the wreck of the Mary Deare.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Psycho taught me to fear the shower.......

June 23, 2016
Animals/Pets Friends Kids/Family/Relations Travel/Nature
View all 1 Comment

Why...

Does the shower hold more horrors than a Michael Moore documentary? The flat where I am currently staying requires the delicacy of a safe cracker to prevent me turning the faucet mixer so either I freeze or boil. Acceptable temperature is a gap of about two millimeters. Equally dangerous is the curtain. It's so close that it continually billows against me trying to wrap me up like a sushi roll. I have already mentioned the lunacy of hotel sized shampoo, conditioner, shower gel and mouthwash; all being in small little bottles that you need to wear glasses in the shower to read, (My Eyebrows are Silky Soft and my Hair Smells of Listerine. Headings Health and beauty. April 16, 2015) but caps and tops in general are a nightmare. May I suggest the following letter to Proctor and Johnson

Dear Mr./Mrs. Shower Gel/ hair treatment manufacturer,

Perhaps one of your researchers/designers/marketing people might like to join me in my next shower?

When I use your product, guess what? My hands are soapy. So a round little top that I need to unscrew (especially if it has a top that is shiny silver) just slithers in my hand like a fish. It's quite possibly the most useless invention since the Parisian taxi driver's manual for good manners.

Actually I don't want anything that even has a top; be it unscrewable, twistable, pop-able .....Any top in a shower is superfluous to my bathing requirements. With nowhere to put it, I end up holding it in my teeth. Then it drops onto the ground. Next I step on it, swear loudly as it breaks as I can never reseal the damn bottle. Flip top only is my strong advice.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

I'm not sure your nozzle fits my hole.....

Why...

Is there conformity in some things and not in others? It's present in the probable heart attack in-a-sac in mass produced food outlets but not for example in fuel. In a world where a Big Mac tastes the same in Pittsburgh as in Phuket or McNuggets (to my mind) seem always to taste like batter-covered erasers no matter how stoned or drunk I used to be when eating them, gas pump hose size and colours change over a number of countries faster than a floating voter's mind. I recently rented a car in California. I stopped to refill. Because the rental agency decided to remove the manual it took half an hour to find the fuel cap release button (utterly pointless thing). I then noted neither the fuel cap nor flap said what octane of gas was required or whether the car was even diesel. In the UK and Europe (just in case by the time you read this the UK has voted to leave) gas pump hoses are always green and diesel black. Yup, you guessed it… in the US it's the other way round. However I did not know this, so the green pump (which I thought gas) would not fit the fuel hole, whereas the black pump that I thought was diesel would. The car had no sign or indication if it was a diesel model. I would rather put out my hair if on fire with a hammer, than ring a car rental 1-800 line...... but I had no choice. Eventually (now 90 minutes since arriving on the forecourt) a voice down the cell phone said, "We don't never rent diesel. You just put in the hose with gas. That will fit." Then he hung up. I pondered which hose to use. Eventually a fellow tank filler took pity on me. "You Eng-erlish?" A nod. "Black here is gas. Green is diesel." Eureka!

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

The end is NEVER nigh, so why tell me it is.....

Why...

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Bits of Blighty that drive me batty..... but I'll miss

Why...

As I waive a fond farewell to my friends, I ponder on some of the idiosyncrasies of this green and pleasant land that I shall miss..... Well firstly it's green because it is constantly watered. The global drizzle that has engulfed the UK over the past few years has had me checking my elbows and knees in the mirror to make sure my joints have not gone rusty. Yes I know that in flaming July in Malta when it is hot enough to poach an egg in my underpants I might miss the grey skies. So in case rose tinted spectacles appear on the bridge of my nose, I have kept a photo on my phone as a reminder. It is of my garden in June last summer when an Olympic diver could have performed a pike with a double twist off my roof and landed on the lake that now covered my flooded lawn and barely touch the grass below, even with an elegantly extended arm.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Hello ♫ I love you ♫ won't you tell me your name......in about two hours

Why...

Are airports so keen to look in my shoes and up my nostrils in the name of security, yet seem blissfully unaware how many customers (please note that word) who all arrive at the same time and are faced with only a couple of immigration officers. On far too many occasions I have stood in a queue of several hundred people as immigration kiosks are as empty as a bookie's stand at the end of a race day. After an hour or so a few turn up, ambling along looking with a mixture or surprise and contempt at this sea of humanity that has been made to wait. Why are plane loads of people arriving all at roughly the same time from Australia, Nigeria, Japan and Canada a surprise to the airport immigration staff? I assume air traffic control were aware they were coming. Likewise, the men who get the gangways ready, or even the drivers of those electric carts who collect the infirm or infamous. Every airline sends a manifest with the list of passengers to the arriving airport so the receiving immigration and custom officials can chose at leisure whose cavity they want to probe. It's an utter farce that after 15 hours on a flight you then have to wait two hours to get through immigration....even worse when you are returning to your own country. If those responsible cannot organise a smooth well-staffed immigration welcome how can airports and government agencies convince me they ensure my safety going out?

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

My head is as flat as a pancake, but my watch works just fine

Why...

Are we persuaded to buy massively over engineered - ‘over specced’ stuff that makes no logical sense for the excessive cost? Easy answer. Because they appeal to us all on the basest of levels. “This cool sh*t makes me look good and hey gives me a feeling of superiority over other people who may be damned better at the sport than me but their kit won’t work in space, or under water or after a nuclear blast…. etc etc”! A lot of sports and hobbies are just an excuse to buy accessories or ‘kit’; exercise machines, game shooting, snowboarding and ski-ing, scuba diving and cycling. These all thrive on our belief that if we buy the right stuff it can turn us into Tomba La Bomba the Olympic skier, mega-peddler Tour de France winner Bradley Wiggins or, macho keep fit and fighting legend Chuck Norris (though I hope I’m taller). What they actually make us do is stuff logic in the kit bag. The list of ‘over specced’ stuff is endless. How about titanium bike pedals, hi-tech weight loss machines that can be programmed for eight hours straight, or made to measure ski-boots guaranteed to keep your tootsies warm at minus 30 degrees. But what’s the point? Ski at that temperature and it’s so cold your pubic hair will crackle and your partner’s Botox will freeze. My diver’s watch can go 2, 000 feet under-water…. but if I was wearing it at that depth, I would be squashed flat enough to slide under a door. Its technology for one-upmanship sake and utterly pointless.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

♪Taxi Taxi, ♬Uber alles, Uber alles in der welt

Why...

Do we endlessly discuss the merits of Uber vs Local cabs without addressing what really matters? How they drive and what they say. Firstly any cab driver who continually accelerates, slows down, accelerates, slows down, accelerates, slows down should only be driving something that actually benefits from this cretinous behavior…. a milk wagon so he can turn the content to butter. Period. No discussion.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

THE RESOLUTION IS CARRIED ………

December 31, 2015
Entertainment/Media/Arts Food & Drink Friends Politics Sport Travel/Nature Work
View all 4 Comments

Why...

When it comes New Year Resolutions do I have the backbone of a chocolate éclair? Without a shadow of a doubt the worst thing to give up for New Year is anything you enjoy. After spending a few days in a confined space with relatives and noisy kids, I just want to send them to a vivisectionist. I sooooo badly need a cigarette, chocolates, booze or drugs and have zero chance of giving up anything till my blood pressure drops below Defcon5. Maybe February? Shortest month of the year. However next year is leap year and winter might have woken up by then so I will need my creature comforts. Looks like Lent is the time I have a shot at stopping something. Of course if it’s religion I give up I might as well ignore Lent and indulge my way through March and April. I mean you have to have Easter with Chocolate and Spring would be meaningless if you can’t toast it with a chilled Bellini? May and June are times of weddings so not drinking and eating is just plain rude. July and August is holiday time, so unless I have managed a crash diet for a week before, I am not going on holiday to starve. Then it’s Fall. The time of mellow fruitfulness…. It’s shooting season and the sky is raining pheasants and partridge like so much plush toys from Hasbro. Next thing you know it’s Thanksgiving that rolls into Christmas season…so no time for giving up anything. AND THAT’S WHY RESOLUTIONS DON’T WORK. So I will briefly turn my attention to the other quaint pastime of the New Year. Talking balls…as in crystal. Here are my 16 predictions for 2016. POLITICS 1) US Mitt Romney declares and chooses Rubio as Vice President goes on to win Republican Nomination, and then the Presidential election. 2) EUROPE Chancellor Merkel will lose a vote of no confidence and resign. 3) UK As with the No vote in the Scottish referendum, politicians will have badly underestimated the strength of anti EU feeling with a surge in the polls for a ‘No’ or exit vote. ‘Yes’ to stay in EU to squeak home by under 2%. 4) WORLDWIDE Instability breaks out in Saudi Arabia. Iran now seen along with Israel as the only stable market economy with a middle class. Despite huge domestic resistance from leaders, need for historic Israel/Iran meeting inevitable. BUSINESS 5) WORLWIDE News Corp will attempt again to buy out other BSKYB shareholders. In either instance, it will then sell off their own shareholding to sovereign hedge fund. 6) US Companies who had bought power on long term contracts start to suffer badly due to drop in oil price. Oil at $35 per barrel continues to question value of fracking and halts much future exploration. However this fall in the barrel price of oil slowly starts to climb and is seen as the low point of fuel prices for the next 15 years. 7) MONEY Euro declines and gold rises; each by 15% and the world’s largest lottery is won because a child chose the numbers for the mother. SPORT 8) FORMULA ONE Will be bought by a group neither from Europe, Asia nor America. However following the BBC decision to drop it and sell to Channel 4 because of low ratings, the new owners will desperately need to reinvigorate a sport that currently is only useful as a cure to insomnia. 9) OLYMPICS Russia reinstated to take part in the Olympics, only for another country to be expelled. Politics and sport are just two sides of the same coin, especially if it’s an Olympic medal. 10) FOOTBALL FIFA elects President who effectively pardons all those currently involved with bribery allegations. As a result they lose a cornerstone commercial partner. MEDIA 11) US Number of broadcast free to air channels on cable drop by over 15%. Netflix eventually bought out by Google after long fight with Amazon. CNN will become a streamed only news service. 12) OSCARS Delayed broadcast due to security scare. Surprises; Best Picture Spotlight and Best Supporting Actor Sylvester Stallone for Creed. TECHNOLOGY 13) Graphine and its full potential is at last grasped by public and becomes the 2016 buzzword. FASHION 14) Group LMVH (Edun, DKNY, Louis Vuitton, Möet et Chandon, Emilio Pucci, Fendi, Marc Jacobs, Givenchy, Kenzo, Berluti, Loewe, Celine Dior) acquires Hermés. FOOD 15) Failed attempt at poisoning distribution plant of major soft drink supplier. Mad cow disease breaks out again in the UK. NATURE 16) Mount Paektu in North Korea-China erupts, for once taking worldwide media’s attention away from President Kim Jung Un’s own eruptions. Give me my score this time next year. Happy New Year to you all! If you have enjoyed the blog please pass on to friends and if you are just dipping in please subscribe! It’s free and you get a once a week notification. If you use a tablet or phone click on the three black horizontal lines Ξ top right, and the form will appear. Just add any name you like and your email address. On line www.andanothething.com the form is on right, above subscribe. Put in a name and email….. Th-th-that’s all folks!

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Welcome, have a nice day…but I loathe you

Why...

Are we so angry that London is overrun by young Arab men this time of year, squirting their bling-bling hypercars up and down Park Lane? Well, of course it’s because these glitzy tourists have more money than us, have a different culture and so we don’t understand them….Does that sound familiar? Think a bit next time you go somewhere remote on holiday as to how you behave and be thankful most locals treat you with such patience and respect! They must feel just the same as many Londoners do now and yet smile when they see you, not grit their teeth!

It is so easy to cause offense without thinking, even in cultures of similar backgrounds to our own.

I once waited in line at Le Louvre, when in front of me stood an elderly American couple. He was wearing trousers with checks big enough to play chess on and she had hair dye the colour of condemned veal.

"Can you tell us where the Winged Victory of Samothrace, the Venus de Milo, and the Mona Lisa are?" they asked the ticket lady without attempting a single word in French.

Obviously a frequently asked question, the girl pulled out a map and tracing the path they needed to take explained:

"You go up the staircase to the Greek section, there is the Winged Victory then turn right….through the lobby on to the Roman section to see The Venus de Milo….then come back to the staircase and go two floors to the greats masters…. turn left, turn right, walk the entire corridor to finally get to a small room….et voilá, the Mona Lisa."

"Gee Harry, " said the exasperated women, "why don’t these French just put ‘em all in one room. Be much simpler."

And you wonder why you don’t always feel the love of your host country.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

The Vacation Car Rental Experience…only Satan tries harder

Why...

Do we never learn? Einstein told us, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Clearly the great man never rented a car twice. Millions of people are now on holiday, not quite believing the rental car experience will again be torture like the time before…but BINGO! It is. You could be hiring a car in the South of France and waiting outside under the blazing sun in a two hour queue. Your shoes are melting on the pavement and your children gently poaching, whilst inside the air-conditioned offices that only seems to hold four customers, the two counter staff seem to swap shifts every ten minutes. In sunny Miami you fall asleep upright with jet lag in the car rental line, as the couple ahead of you spend an hour looking for their driving license and telling the assistant they definitely had it when they put their teeth in and slipped on their incontinence pants that morning.

As predictable as a guilty politician’s ‘no comment’, the model of the car you hired months ago is no longer available. However the rental car company can offer you a replacement within the same category…a former communist country run about, the Trabant, with no aircon, manual gearbox and the reliability of a cheesecloth condom. And then, when you are frustrated and ready to commit murder; salvation! A surreptitious wink and you are offered an upgrade for only a few dollars more a day. You sign on the dotted line and wham!, the nominal day rate increase for your luxobarge pales against the extra cost of insurance, collision excess insurance, content insurance, medical and personal injury cover etc. You half expect an additional fee because you might have orange hair, walk with a limp or are an alien. Suddenly the bargain $250 rate for a week break that you grabbed after searching for hours on cheapocarrentaldeals.com balloons to $1, 250.

Your kids are visibly shorter as they have wilted so much and your wife has used the Wi-Fi to file for divorce (perhaps they should sell ‘Divorce While-in-a-Queue’ insurance)? The desk jockey whips your credit card through the machine gouging out a deposit large enough for a down payment on a small yacht that also blows your card limit before you’ve even started your holiday. Another bonus is if you are caught speeding by the cops or on camera, the rental company immediately take the fine off your card. And the cherry on the top is you pay so much per day for a sat-nav that in no time you could have bought it; only you would never actually do that as the previous user had locked the language to Swahili and you can’t understand a word. All this before you leave the airport.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Can’t get an invite to a Royal Castle even if you are a Chinese internet Czar or a Russian oil tycoon? Here’s what will…with the added bonus of a snap of knicker elastic.

May 21, 2015
Entertainment/Media/Arts Finance/Law Love Travel/Nature
View all 2 Comments

Why...

Has the classic car market seen such unprecedented growth over the past ten years? If there has been one boom industry over the same period it has been the creation of new centi-millionaires and billionaires. So what does he or she spend their money on? Assuming he has collected enough real estate to house a small nation and a mistress who looks like a snake that has swallowed two bowling balls (the male equivalent having the balls on his arms and a dumbbell in his underwear), next on the shopping list in the glamour stakes are one of the big three. 1) Hollywood cachet 2) A mega Yacht 3) Art and collectables

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Fill her up please with Starbucks latte and can you check the oil is sun factor 50?

May 14, 2015
Food & Drink Kids/Family/Relations Life Travel/Nature
View all 3 Comments

Why...

Can I no longer find signs at motorway service stations that say Fuel Only This Way→? They have disappeared over the past few years. Now, before I find the pumps, I am led like a piggy with a ring through my nose past the retail equivalent of a children’s honey trap; an entire village of tat. I feel so sorry for families with kids in the back, who, on seeing these places bounce around like squash balls on heat wanting to get out and empty their parents’ wallet. On entering these cluster of shops I am simply blown away at the kind of stuff you can now buy, as well as what you can’t (i.e. indicator bulbs for your car). Quite apart from just about every franchise that sells you a ‘heart-attack in-a-sack’, there are video games rooms, playpens for toddlers, make-up bars, CD’s, DVDs, clothing and numerous toys….some so large I’d need an articulated truck to take them home. Let’s not forget the wide selection of abandoned puppies. Kids are running around the place screaming and yelling from a massive overdose of sugar yet there is always a solitary Janitor sharing my ablutions in the bathroom along with the triangle warning sign of a slippery floor. Sadly at my age a full tank of fuel lasts much longer than I do so rest stops are quite frequent, but the only time I have ever fallen over in the bathroom was due to alcohol not an attendant’s mop.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Might Putin lose his marbles?

March 6, 2015
Finance/Law Food & Drink Kids/Family/Relations Politics Travel/Nature
View all 0 Comments

Why...

If you obligingly scratch the big Russian Bear’s back, in return he’s apt to claw anyone you ask him to. Greece and the new Syriza Party are now threatening to veto EU sanctions against Russia. Neither country seem to care a fig about convention and opinion except their own domestic popularity. How tempting it must be for Russia to return the Elgin Marbles on loan from the British Museum to Greece. In a mad way it makes sense. It would be an enormously positive result for new Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras and a neat riposte from the Russian President Putin under siege in the UK over the Litvinenko affair!

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Subscribe to my weekly posts

Archives

Recent Posts

Categories

What drives you crazy?

Want to know when I publish the next blog?

All posts in category: Travel/Nature

Just pack it in...

Why...

The problem with a plane...

Why...

Welcome aboard...

Why...

I'm an individual... so let's paint it black

Why...

Step right this way for your daily insult...

Why...

Say Cheese...

Why...

Ryan Air, Easy Jet and Sky Blue are deep in the luxury section of travel...

Why...

Psycho taught me to fear the shower.......

Why...

I'm not sure your nozzle fits my hole.....

Why...

The end is NEVER nigh, so why tell me it is.....

Why...

Bits of Blighty that drive me batty..... but I'll miss

Why...

Hello ♫ I love you ♫ won't you tell me your name......in about two hours

Why...

My head is as flat as a pancake, but my watch works just fine

Why...

♪Taxi Taxi, ♬Uber alles, Uber alles in der welt

Why...

THE RESOLUTION IS CARRIED ………

Why...

Welcome, have a nice day…but I loathe you

Why...

The Vacation Car Rental Experience…only Satan tries harder

Why...

Can’t get an invite to a Royal Castle even if you are a Chinese internet Czar or a Russian oil tycoon? Here’s what will…with the added bonus of a snap of knicker elastic.

Why...

Fill her up please with Starbucks latte and can you check the oil is sun factor 50?

Why...

Might Putin lose his marbles?

Why...