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Do I get loyalty points if I have to quarantine for two weeks in a hotel?
Why...
Not get some benefit from being locked in a gilded cage for a fortnight?
Now I understand many of you might think two weeks in quarantine in a Premier Inn in Wigan might just be a first world complaint. However, that will only be from people who have never experienced a wet Wednesday in Wigan in February. For those who have, it’s the closet thing to purgatory outside of having to watch endless repeats of the Wheel of Fortune with someone who constantly shouts out the wrong answers.
It troubles me that you can tip out of your first class seat at Heathrow and end up locked in some orange and beige nightmare in Brentford for two weeks instead of your normal sojourn at The Ritz. I hear the allocation of the actual quarantine hotel is luck of the draw. That clearly can not be true. There must be a fiddle somewhere. I just don’t believe you might end up in a magnificent palace with a suite large enough to have a croquet tournament or a hutch so small a mouse with a hard on could not turn around. Does anyone have the skinny on how to get a decent allocation?
And what do you do for two weeks? Do you end up tapping morse code on the walls with your jailed neighbour? Maybe fling open the curtains and scream out the window like Peter Finch in Network, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore.” Or would that mean the boys in blue come around and lock you in an even tinier cell instead?
...and another thing
What did the tennis players do in Australia? The mind boggles. Did Djokovic practice his drop shots whilst making his own drop shots in the bathroom? Was Venus Williams hitting backhands at the ironing board whilst her sister practised her overhead smash off the balcony? Did Rafa call room service for Robinson’s barley water and fresh towels while Nick Kyrgios argued a decision on room service? Maybe doubles partners were allowed to share and mixed doubles were ‘love all’ after two weeks alone?
One thing for certain. Whoever wins the Men’s Australian Open has a ready made publishing deal for “How to survive 14 days of lockdown while practicing topspin on my balls…. and go on to win the Open.”
...and another thing
I have to admit I am so confused as to who can go where and when that I am just hunkered down on my dusty rock in Malta. Despite COVID-19 rampaging pretty unchecked, we can still go to restaurants, all the shops are open and you are free to wander anywhere if you wear a mask. At least here when in quarantine you can go home. However, I am surprised no one has worked out filling hotels for two weeks with both returning residents and visitors gives a cash injection to an industry running on fumes. Watch this space…
Meanwhile, stay safe and if you get locked up with your better half in a dingy hotel for a fortnight, look at it as a honeymoon rather than two weeks arguing over what’s best on Netflix! And be thankful. The word quarantine came from the French quarante meaning 40…. as in forty days not fourteen!
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