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The next Olympic sport should be the Air Guitar
Why...
Are some fun sports excluded from The Games?
I watched the recent Olympics with the inclusion of new disciplines such as mountain biking, karate, skateboarding and rock climbing with some joy mixed with confusion. These are nearly all sports of the current generation which is why some participants had to ask nanny if they could miss their afternoon reading lessons to compete in their sport. They also had to beg to stay up late for their medal ceremony, no doubt wearing slippers and pyjamas so they went straight to bed afterwards.
My grandfathers generation had manly sports such as tug of war with all the men in hooped onesies, rugby boots and walrus moustaches.
...and another thing
None of the activities from my generation really caught on with the Lords of the Rings as the I.O.C. is known. Driving while stoned, running in skintight trousers and wearing winklepickers instead of trainers, sexist chat up lines, hair drying and perms for men and playing air guitar were all sports we eagerly contested in. I was amazed to find whilst doodling on Google that the Air Guitar World Championships have picked up the gauntlet of supporting this sport, so cruelly ignored by the I.O.C
I was riveted. It contained every aspect that makes sport mesmerising. In fact the only thing better would be contact sport Morris Dancing.
Air guitarists displayed athleticism, rivalry, lingo for the moves, earnest commentators, codes of conduct and fanatic fans who howled disapproval at perceived unfair judging. As with most sport it had no intrinsic value other than to compete with others. However, this one also made me howl with laughter.
Let me give you a sliver of the rules…
The organiser asks the jury to consider the following aspects of the contestants’ performances when making their decisions: Originality, the ability to be taken over by the music, stage presence, technical merit, artistic impression and airness.
Each member of the jury gives marks from 4.0 to 6.0 for a performance. The points scored by a contestant from both rounds are added together, and the contestant thus receiving the highest total score wins.
Personal air roadies are allowed.
The contestant may use a real pick or even play in a finger picking style. Back-up bands – air or real – are not allowed.
There is no dress code, and the contestants may use props as they wish. (However, any real musical instruments are forbidden.)
Air roadies!! Could there be Air groupies? What could they pretend to be performing?
...and another thing
So maybe I should start a petition to include this sport. What other gems deserve to be included? Shove ha’penny and tiddly winks are both sports that need better hand to eye co-ordination than table tennis.
It’s amazing what sports have been removed. The long and high jump in equestrian and one handed weight lifting to name a couple. The standing long jump and standing high jump have gone yet we still have the ridiculous triple jump.
The quaintest was the art competitions which began at the Stockholm Olympics in 1912. All of the entered works had to be inspired by sport and had to be original and not previously published. Medals were awarded in five categories: architecture, literature, music, painting, and sculpture. As medals were awarded in five categories, the competitions were also named the ‘Pentathlon of the Muses’.
Maybe Banksy and Damien Hurst would compete. Can you imagine, had it been around in the 1950’s we would have had Pollock, Dali, Picasso and Warhol all crossing paint brushes! Or 1960’s with The Beatles, The Stones, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd… and for the US, The Monkees.
But my favourite sport only appeared once… the duelling pistol event. It required competitors to shoot at human silhouettes dressed in frock coats, with a bull’s eye on the dummy’s chest.
Wow!
Stay safe.
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