Forget Border Control at Airports ... Where are the Fashion Police?

Why...

Do common sense and dress sense also take a holiday when people fly? There was a time when people actually dressed up when they travelled, especially by air. It was glamorous and everyone wanted to get in on the act. Huge dark sunglasses and silk scarves wrapped around heads like Grace Kelly and men aching to look as cool as Sinatra, Davis and Martin in snappy suits or slacks, pullovers, and penny loafers Over the decades travel started to go down hill and the glamour was traded for cattle herding. However, there was still some point in looking good instead of like a refugee from an all-nighter, as you might get bounced up a class if you looked the part. But even that glimmer of hope has gone as check-in would rather upgrade a plastic influencer with an IQ to match their shoe size  than a Nobel prize winner. Nowadays, unless you can hop on a NetJets, you are just a hunk of meat needed to be cattle prodded from airport point A to airport point B. And a vast number of travellers display the same sense of behaviour as our bovine four legged friends.

...and another thing

Grazing.

 People replicate the action of our bovine friends by constantly chewing the fast food cud. A nibble of a burger here, a tidbit of sushi there, followed by a gobbIt of Starbucks and a collection of water and sandwiches to take on the plane to munch before a meal is served.

...and another thing

The herd.

People allow themselves to be shuffled along in endless zigzag queues ready to be loaded onto to trucks for transport to planes. The really stupid ones pay priority for this privilege meaning they get on a bus first!

 

...and another thing

Why do people advertise the fact they are travelling cattle class on long distance flights by having an inflatable horseshoe around their neck? Yes, in the cabin to try and get relief from seats made by Beelzebub, but wandering aimlessly around Duty Free? It’s nearly as sad as those people who wear a Covid mask hanging from one ear, thinking they look like Tom Cruise and his  mouthpiece hanging from his helmet in Top Gun.

...and another thing

The return of track suits.

After an aberration twenty years ago when shell suits crawled out of the banned bin in the dressing up box, they thankfully disappeared from everyday life.

Except at the airport.

If there is ever a uniform of the gormless, it’s overweight women shoe-horned into a pink tracksuit made out of material that’s a fire hazard, and unshaven men in over-logoed twin sets wearing white socks and Jesus sandals.

As a side note, I have never understood the need to be a human billboard to advertise the name of a brand in big letters stencilled across a T-shirt. You really have to be insecure, if you have to shout out that you really do have style as your T-shirt displays a logo that also makes couture clothing. That’s rather like waving a packet of fish fingers about, made by people who also import caviar!

...and another thing

However, if there is one thing that is a great constant in air travel and who even dress well, it’s the skill and dedication of crews. I hear rumblings from certain quarters that planes don’t need pilots. Whilst I am happy to get on a train that runs between terminal buildings without a driver, there is no way I am stepping onto an aluminium tube to fly 20,000 miles without a human driver. At that point, it’s back to cars and driving myself.

Pip pip

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